Monday, January 16, 2012

VP: Vampire Preparedness

As promised, a post on Vampires.

Everyone knows not all vampires are bad. They all need blood to survive, so keep that inconvenience in mind before settling down with one.

Vampires are hot. However, it's important to remember not to confuse good looking with good. If you do come across an evil one, you must be prepared.

The number one rule of course: never invite them inside. Once invited across your threshold, they can enter anytime they wish. Garlic around any vulnerable entry points is a good idea.

Vampires are repelled by vervain. I drink vervain tea and always carry vervain lotion.

You are usually safe from vampire attacks in bright sunlight, as they seem to avoid it. However, using sunlight as a main form of defense can lead to skin cancer, so I don't recommend it.

If things get desperate, use a stake. I have a vampire stake, carved by my son and given to me as a mother's day gift. It says "Vampire's Bane" in Saxon. It's really cool.

Remember, all vampire stakes should be made of wood. Some people may tell you to use a silver stake, but they are probably a vampire in disguise. It must be wood because wood is alive, and only living material can kill the dead (or the undead, which is a confusing term because they are dead, just back alive--similar to a zombie, but better looking and better smelling.)

For more information on vampires and how to protect yourself, I recommend you read Bram Stoker's Dracula. It's the best and will teach you how they move in fog and can't cross rushing water except when the tide is out or something. And yes, I openly admit that I've been thoroughly entertained by Twilight, Moonlight the TV series, and a few episodes of Vampire Diaries.

Here is my awesome, crazy son who made the vampire stake, owns an anti-zombie gas mask, and is wearing--yes it's true--an authentic Russian ushenka hat.


  1. I'm adamant about the "never invite them inside" rule. I also keep a vervain lotion with me at all times, but I need a stake. Is your son taking orders? Or maybe an apprentice? My son needs some mentoring other than me.

    And yes, Dracula is the best. And Lestat and Louis really close behind.

  2. @Prerna: I agree 100%. The very best!

    @Yamile: I asked him if he was still in the stake making business. He seemed a little reluctant. I'll keep working on him.

  3. She's not joking about the vervain lotion, people.

  4. I know about the lotion b/c she gave me some. It smells great.

    Also, I read Dram Stoker's "Dracula" this year. Yes, great information but I find today's vampires much more interesting. Damon from Vampire Diaries for example :)

  5. @ Brooke: It's hard to find. I'm running low so it's time to reorder!

    @ Tiffany: I know you love the Vampire Diaries! But I have to say I'm a Bram Stoker fan, even though Damon is very interesting. :)

  6. Great post! I am also a Dracula fan but I would have to say the vampires from Thirty days of Night are my favorite. It shows that primal desire to feed and survive. They lived in a pack like wolves with a dominant male leading the way. It was a very interesting portrayal of vampires. And by the way, your son is very talented. Has he made any zombie defense weapons. Tell him to look up the zombie slingshot on YouTube if he hasn't already. It is awesome!

  7. @T.J.: Thanks for the Zombie tip. I'll have him check out the you tube video, I'm sure he'll love it. And I've never heard of Thirty Days of NIght, something else to check out.

  8. I've been a fan of vampire entertainment all of my life. Started out watching "Dark Shadows" on teevee when I was a kid. Barnabas Collins was so cool. I've read all the books and even watched "Count Duckula" on Nickelodeon. Couldn't really stand "Twilight" though. Teen angst makes my lip curl. I believe my favorite show so far has been "True Blood". Hot and entertaining and sexy as heck. Definitely not for younger viewers. Woof!

    Tell your son I absolutely love the stake and wish he was taking orders. If I had one of those in my house I would sleep just a little more soundly at night.

  9. Right on, Julie. Though I have to admit that no matter how prepared, I'd be defenseless against a certain vampire named Spike. His humor is my undoing.

    You are going to LOVE Daughter of Smoke & Bone!

  10. I love the vampire stake. I also loved Reading Dracula and liked parts of the Twilight series. I read them all but didn't finish the last one since I figured out the ending half way through. I hate that. I noticed on Stacy Whitman's blog that you're going to LTUE. I plan to go to some of it too. Would love to meet you in person.

  11. @darev2005: My whole life, I've been a fan of Count Chocula, does that count for anything? No pun intended. Which reminds me, The Count on Sesame Street was also a favorite. I guess it's in my blood. (and yes, the puns are out of control.)

    @Nikki: Haha! He's great.

    @Alice: Let's totally meet up at LTUE. Are you on Twitter? We can make contact there?

  12. Hoo boy.

    Some pointed remarks. They seemed to suck the life out of my comments.

    But then you do have a bigger stake in this than I.....


  13. Okay, I'm not obsessive about this or anything, but I've been around the corner a few times, and I've never heard of vervain. What is that?

    All of this and only one person with one comment referencing Buffy (or Spike)? Has it been that long, people?

  14. @darev2005: Haha! Very clever.

    @Brent: Vervain is actually from the TV Series The Vampire Diaries.

  15. This is a great post and inspired me to give you the Leibster award, which you've already discovered. Sorry, I was in a rush and didn't have time to alert the winners this morning, but I hope you had a nice surprise :)