Monday, January 9, 2012

How To Survive an Alien Invasion

I have at last come up with a viable and effective way to save mankind from a hostile alien invasion.
All we have to do is cover everything in that impossible-to-open plastic packaging. I believe the correct term is Rigid Plastic Clamshell Packaging.

No one can open it. The aliens will abandon the planet in frustration. They will try scissors, chainsaws, futuristic laser technology, and even mind control. But, alas, that form of packaging is unpenetrable.
Each year, millions of people suffer from the effects of wrap rage. We, the consumers, are fooling ourselves to think that because we buy a product we should be able to access said product.
Frustration isn't the only consideration, it can be dangerous as well. According to BBC, over 67,000 people injure themselves every year in the struggle against clamshell packaging.

And now to add insult to injury:
"Hard to open packaging isn't just a dangerous nuisance, it discriminates against the weak," said Valery McConnell, editor of Yours Magazine.
In a world of equal rights and political correctness, should we be made to suffer such discrimination?

Below is a link to a top secret site with valuable information. After years of research and siphoning government money, WikiHow has developed a few methods to aid in the removal of plastic packaging. However, the aliens MUST NOT SEE THIS. (Click Here)

So there you have it. The next time you curse and cut yourself attempting the impossible--opening a plastic package, you can take some small comfort knowing that in the end, it will save the world.

Follow this link to read how I singlehandedly save the world from Zombies!


  1. Haha that is awesome!!! I am still laughing.

  2. You have clearly done your research. Except, wait, what happens to all the stuff that not even the aliens can open? How do I watch TV when my remote packaged in a clam shell? What will I eat when my Oreos are clammed up? I'd be afraid to open them, because as soon as I did, the aliens would come a-knockin.

  3. LOL! You're funny! Hubby gave me a pair of electric scissors that actually slices through those pesky packages with ease. What if the aliens have one of those??

  4. @Brooke: :)

    @T.J. Reed: Thanks for stopping by and following. Love your zombie story!

    @Brent: It's an alien invasion, we must prepare for at least some inconvenience. No sacrifice, no victory.

    @Taffy: If the aliens take over, we'll know who is responsible!! You better destroy those things immediately!

  5. Aliens - check!
    Zombies - check!

    Now what about vampires? LOL

  6. @Nikki: Believe it or not, for mother's day last year, my son gave me a hand carved vampire stake. In fact, that's a great suggestion. Maybe my next post will be vampires...

  7. Julie, your son is awesome! (But can it open a clamshell?) Garlic is for wusses. LOL

    Thanks for the insights on my post about cussing.

  8. I love it!!! And is your son taking orders for vampire stakes? I do need one at home. Julian sleeps with a wooden staff by his side, and I need some protection myself, besides the vervain lotion, of course ;-)

  9. @Yamile: I'll put in a stake order. Also, I have some delicious Vervain tea from Teavanna this you might find helpful.

  10. Does we package ourselves too?? Isn't that what the aliens are really after?

  11. @Tiffany: Of course we do. We package EVERYTHING.

  12. Sheer unadulterated genius! Have you gotten the invite from the Nobel committee yet? (grin)

  13. @darev2005: No invite yet, but I'm sure it's coming! Haha!

  14. Ha ha. I just tried opening one of these packages this week and wondered why they have to be so hard to open as I searched for the scissors.

  15. @Alice: Hi and thanks for stopping by. What makes this so funny is that it's so true!! I hate those packages!