Halloween Safety Tips: Supernatural Style

With Halloween coming up this week, I thought I'd post a few safety tips I've learned from watching my favorite TV show, Supernatural.

On All Hallows Eve there could be all kinds of ghoulish creatures roaming about. One can never be too careful.

You should be fine if you follow these tips:

~ Watch your back. If something creepy is after you, it will ALWAYS sneak up from behind. And usually from the direction you were just looking a moment ago.

~ Do not split up! The surest way to come face to face with something scary is to split up. People of the movies, when will you ever learn?

~ If you hear a strange noise coming from your closet (or the room down the hall, or--heaven forbid--from the cellar) DO NOT CHECK IT OUT. I repeat, do NOT slowly and hesitantly approach the sound, especially if the lights won't turn on and there is intense, unsettling music playing in the background.

~ Never leave any part of your body exposed outside of the covers. The covers are your friends, stay under them. And DO NOT dangle your feet over the edge of the bed.

~ Never back up to a window. Inevitably the creature/demon/zombie/evil clown/vampire/ghost will break the glass and grab you. In fact, keep your window locked. And if you hear something tapping against it, it is most certainly NOT the wind.

~ Salt is your friend, keep it close. Silver bullets or iron blades are also recommended, but harder to take on airplanes.

If there's one thing I've learned, you can never be too careful.

Have a happy and SAFE Halloween!

All Hallow's Read

What is All Hallow's Read?

In the words of Neil Gaiman, creator of All Hallow's Read (he's so silly):



Basically, you give someone a scary book for Halloween. Appropriately scary, of course. It can be a kid, a grown up, anyone you know (or don't know. Even strangers like to read. And who doesn't want  a free book?)

PS: THIS IS AN AWESOME IDEA!

If you go the All Hallow's Read site, you will find lots of answers to FAQs and also cool extras, such as this book plate that you can print out and affix to the book you are giving away. Or print it onto card stock and make it a bookmark.

On the All Hallow's Read site you can also find book recommendations by Neil Gaiman and links to lists by others.

Here are a few of our family's favorite Halloween reads:

Picture Books:

Middle Grade:

  Young Adult:

Ok, so maybe Keturah isn't a Halloween read per se, but since it came out with this new creepy cover it looks like one. And it has Death as a main character. And it's awesome.

What are some scary (or cute, Halloween can be cute) books you'd recommend?

Important Life Lessons Everyone Should Know

Lately I've been watching the TV show Supernatural. All the old episodes are on Netflix.

The problem is, my husband has been out of town, and I end up watching them late at night when the rest of the house is asleep. Not such a good idea because some of these episodes are freaking scary.

I couldn't look in the mirror after watching Bloody Mary. And all my kids have to do while we're out driving is say, "Mom, is that a scarecrow in that orchard?" and they know I'll cover my eyes and scream. I find myself constantly glancing over my shoulder.

On the other hand, I've learned many important lessons from this show, and that is what I want to pass on to my readers:

~ If something creepy is after you, it will ALWAYS sneak up from behind. And usually from the direction you were just looking a moment ago. Watch your back.

~ The surest way to meet something scary is to split up. People of the movies, when will you ever learn?

~ Never leave any part of your body exposed outside of the covers. The covers are your friends, stay under them.

~ If you hear a strange noise coming from your closet (or the room down the hall, or--heaven forbid--from the cellar) DO NOT CHECK IT OUT. I repeat, do NOT slowly and hesitantly approach the sound, especially if the lights won't turn on and there is intense, unsettling music playing in the background.

~ Never back up to a window. Inevitably the creature/demon/zombie/evil clown/vampire will break the glass and grab you.

~ Salt is your friend, keep it close. Silver or lead blades are also recommended, but harder to take on airplanes.

I know these are only the very basics, and there are lots of other important life lessons out there, but I hope you find these useful when you are home alone late at night and it's dark and eerie outside. They help me.

What important tips can you share?

VP: Vampire Preparedness

As promised, a post on Vampires.

Everyone knows not all vampires are bad. They all need blood to survive, so keep that inconvenience in mind before settling down with one.

Vampires are hot. However, it's important to remember not to confuse good looking with good. If you do come across an evil one, you must be prepared.

The number one rule of course: never invite them inside. Once invited across your threshold, they can enter anytime they wish. Garlic around any vulnerable entry points is a good idea.

Vampires are repelled by vervain. I drink vervain tea and always carry vervain lotion.

You are usually safe from vampire attacks in bright sunlight, as they seem to avoid it. However, using sunlight as a main form of defense can lead to skin cancer, so I don't recommend it.

If things get desperate, use a stake. I have a vampire stake, carved by my son and given to me as a mother's day gift. It says "Vampire's Bane" in Saxon. It's really cool.

Remember, all vampire stakes should be made of wood. Some people may tell you to use a silver stake, but they are probably a vampire in disguise. It must be wood because wood is alive, and only living material can kill the dead (or the undead, which is a confusing term because they are dead, just back alive--similar to a zombie, but better looking and better smelling.)

For more information on vampires and how to protect yourself, I recommend you read Bram Stoker's Dracula. It's the best and will teach you how they move in fog and can't cross rushing water except when the tide is out or something. And yes, I openly admit that I've been thoroughly entertained by Twilight, Moonlight the TV series, and a few episodes of Vampire Diaries.

Here is my awesome, crazy son who made the vampire stake, owns an anti-zombie gas mask, and is wearing--yes it's true--an authentic Russian ushenka hat.

Experiment in Sleep Deprivation or How To Ruin Christmas For the Whole Family

Final Update: He's sick.


Update December 21, 10:00 am:

He did it! This morning marked the end of his experiment and he is now sound asleep. We have yet to determine what is left of his brain after 72 hours of no sleep and video game overload. So far, the rest of the family is intact, and as far as sickness...we'll need a few days to see how that goes.

He hasn't been home during most of the event, just last night. (Hence the dim glow from the family room all night.) These next few days will tell all in terms of the aftermath.

Special thanks to Heather Bready for providing the giant, green-tinted TV for the video game all-nighters. Stuart said, "Please can we keep it?"

Quote of the Day: "I'm not going to get sick!" ~my son


My son, who is a senior in high school, has worked out some weird extra credit arrangement with his AP Psychology teacher. He gets 25 extra points if he does a sleep deprivation experiment for 72 hours and records how it affects him. I find serious flaws in this plan.

Today marks 24 hours of no sleep for him.

When I called him this morning to see how things went last night, he told me he and his friends were waiting outside for Deseret Industries Thrift Store to open so they could buy more TVs for their stay-awake-all-night-gaming strategy. (Let me also say that he seems a little put-out that we won't just let him take the new 56" flat-screen TV over to his friend's house. Go figure.)

I don't think this brilliant psychology teacher took into account how the sleep deprivation of the teenager would affect the rest of the family.

I predict that in the very near future the following events will occur:

• the sleep deprived child will get into a heap of trouble for attitude problems.
• anger management will drop to an all time low.
• he will be sick for Christmas.
• one or more of his siblings will be massacred in a fit of uncontrollable emotional overload.
• we will have a record number of door slammings, possibly requiring some repair work to the moldings.
• by the end, we will be the first to witness a real live zombie.

Only 48 more hours to go. Stay tuned for the updates!

Self Publishing...Or Not...Again

Quote of the Day: "Do you know what would be sad? If there was a zombie apocalypse and we got infected and ate our pets." ~Overheard 13-year-old say to 10-year-old while doing dishes.

There's been some sparks flying--again--on the whole To Self Publish or Not debate. So, I'm chiming in with my two cents.

Here is a great quote by Edan Lepucki (The Millions) from an interesting article about her reasons for not self publishing. I agree with with much of what she has to say, but not all.

I found this especially in line with my own thoughts:

Readers themselves rarely complain that there isn’t enough of a selection on Amazon or in their local superstore; they’re more likely to ask for help in narrowing down their choices. So for anyone who has, however briefly, played that reviled gatekeeper role, a darker question arises: What happens once the self-publishing revolution really gets going, when all of those previously rejected manuscripts hit the marketplace, en masse, in print and e-book form, swelling the ranks of 99-cent Kindle and iBook offerings by the millions? Is the public prepared to meet the slush pile?

Is the public ready to meet the slush pile? I'm not. And as more kids are getting e-readers, parents have to be doubly vigilant to ensure their kids aren't downloading anything worse than just a poorly written book.

But, as she points out, blogs and other forms of reviews are already popping up to help readers wade through the slush.

My personal reasons for going with a traditional publisher are similar to Ms. Lepucki. Mainly, I want my manuscript to be its best. I want an editor telling me what's working and what's not. I want that stack of revisions to make the story better.

I recently started reading a self-published book with at least FIVE editing errors on THE FIRST PAGE! I don't want that to be me. I had to put the book down.

I have nothing against self-publishing whatsoever. It's just not for me--at least right now.

What are your thoughts?

Zombie Apocalypse? Problem Solved!

Song of the Day: "Zombie" ~the Cranberries


I don't know what the big deal is. I solved the problem to the zombie apocalypse this morning while I was taking my morning nap.

Here's the plan:

1. Put bars on all windows and doors except one main entrance per edifice. (Families with small children may want to board up the windows because smashing glass and reaching zombie hands can be disturbing to some youngsters.)

2. Install high-powered lasers across the single entrance which, when triggered, will immediately decapitate, slice up, and basically dismember anything that tries to pass through.

3. Install a high-tech bioscanner that scans your eye to verify that you are a living, breathing, blood-pumping human and not one of the undead. If you pass verification, you step unharmed through the deadly lasers.

Simple!

You are now safe at home, school and work!

Of course, you'll have to leave the safety of indoors to get to your home, school and work, exposing yourself to a possible attack en route. But, if everyone buys an armored car and brushes up on their combat skills, we should be fine. They're just zombies after all, not rocket scientists.

Granted they may have once been rocket scientists before they died and came back to life, but that doesn't mean they can outsmart us. No matter how many corpses un-die, humans will always be the dominant species.

"What about the deadly virus?" you ask. Cake. If we can create vaccines against drug addiction, it's only a matter of time before we have one for Solanum.

In the mean time, it's not a bad idea to have a gas mask for going out, and an anti-viral circulation chamber installed in your home or apartment building's ventilation system.

There. Now you can all rest easy. Brave people are working as we speak preparing to equip every structure and dwelling with the appropriate defensive mechanisms.